One of my (many) dreams is to have a mutual love with a partner that looks at me with adoration and encourages me to be the best version of my self.

It is a dream because I don't feel like love is a goal. It just happens. I'm not at the personal or life stage where I'm ready to accept it though. I cringe whenever someone shows interest in me.

Side note: the last guy I (thought I) liked is starting a family. It's probably not a causal pattern but.. these guys I acquainted myself with got in long term relationships shortly afterward. Life is weird. But whatever, it was a long ass time ago.

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The times anyone has ever told me to "grow up" have never come from a good, well-meaning place. You haven't lived my life, and I will grow at my own fucking pace. It's not up for you to determine how fast I do it, and it doesn't fucking impact your life whether I'm emotionally immature or less "adult" than you. When it happened, I knew our friendship was over. There's absolutely no respect when someone says that to me. But I also think I tend(ed) to gravitate towards guys that are assholes in that department. And at my worst, I can be emotionally exhausting to deal with.

Yes, I still live with my parents. At the time, I had very ambiguous notions of how I wanted my future to play out. I was only going to school full time and wanted to play around. What of it? Is it your place to judge?
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I only ever blog to this extent because of hormones or when I feel like I have nothing in my control. Looking back at the past six months with a negative perspective, it's...

1. I almost died.
2. I hate people. People that don't properly show gratitude for others that help them, people that need their hand held 100% of the time, people-- omg I can go on. And THIEVES. Was the $200 and old ass cash register worth breaking into a small business? You fucking shit.